Fear that parents will react violently if they are aware of the abuse.
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Is Your Relationship Abusive?
Does your boyfriend/girlfriend:
- Act very jealous or possessive?
- Try to keep you from having other friends?
- Tell you what you can and can't wear?
- Get too serious about the relationship too fast?
- Blame you when he/she mistreats you? Tell you that you provoked his/her anger?
- Refuse to accept responsibility for his/her actions?
- Own or use weapons?
- Have an explosive temper?
- Have a history of fighting, animal abuse, bragging about mistreating others?
- Put you down or say things to purposefully hurt your feelings?
- Pressure you for sex?
- Pressure you to use alcohol or other drugs?
- Make you call and check in constantly, or check to see who called you?
- Hit, push, kick, or otherwise physically hurt you?
- Refuse to let you break up? Threaten to hurt you if you break up? Threaten suicide if you end the relationship?
These are all signs that you may be in an abusive relationship.
If you are afraid of the person you're dating or are trying to avoid his/her anger, you may be in an abusive relationship.
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Normal Conflict
Sometimes couples have disagreements and arguments. That's a normal part of any relationship.
But if your arguments turn hurtful or violent, your relationship might be abusive.
You Deserve A Healthy Relationship
Healthy relationships include:
- Respecting each other.
- Valuing your differences.
- Encouraging each other to have interests and friends outside of the relationship.
- Each of you getting your way some of the time. Both of you compromising some of the time.
Dating and being in a relationship shouldn't hurt or feel bad. Everyone deserves to be loved and cared about without being hurt.
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Jealously Doesn't Equal Love
It may feel good to know someone cares enough about you to be jealous. We all get a little jealous from time to time.
Jealousy is not a sign of love. It is a sign of insecurity.
When a person is jealous all the time or tries to control your behavior because of jealousy, there is a problem.
Abuse Is Not The Victim's Fault
People stay in abusive relationships for many reasons.
- They may be afraid to leave.
- They may feel pressure from friends or family.
- They may think the abuser will change.
Sometimes when you are being abused, it's hard to see a way out.
Is Your Friend A Victim of Abuse?
If you think a friend is the victim of relationship violence, you can help.
- Listen. This might be the single most important and helpful thing that you can do. Let them talk without interruption or judgment.
- Believe what your friend tells you.
- Know the warning signs of dating violence. Tell your friend what you see happening and that you'd like to help.
- Protect your friend's privacy! Respect your friend's right to keep the situation confidential.
- Understand that it is not your decision and that you cannot 'rescue' your friend. Get advice from experts on dating violence and encourage your friend to do the same.
- Offer to be there for your friend, no matter what decision your friend makes about the relationship.
- Don't take it personally if your friend gets angry with you or refuses your help. A victim of abuse is often very frightened of reaching out or of admitting the problem.
- Tell another person -- a trustworthy friend, a relative, a teacher, a counselor.
- Help your friend make a safety plan. (For ideas, see Safety Planning For Teens In Abusive Dating Relationships)
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Are You An Abuser?
If you are hurting someone, or if you are afraid you might hurt someone ...
- You can get help to stop.
- Talk to someone you trust, like a relative, friend, or doctor. Ask them to help you find counseling.
- If you become violent when you use alcohol orother drugs, get help for substance abuse, too.
The information on this website is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
