Cycle of Violence

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The cycle of violence is a recurring behavioral pattern where the offender swings between affectionate, remorseful, calm, and periods of tense demands culminating in violence.

1. Tension starts
2. Tension escalates
3. Assault
4. Honeymoon stage

After a violent episode, the offender may be genuinely sorry for what he has done. He may regret and feel ashamed of his behavior.

Often his worst fear is that his partner will leave him, so he may try as hard as he can to make up for his behavior. He may promise never to hurt her again. This means that following even severe or chronic abuse, the offender may be very penitent and determined to change.

This is what the victim hopes for. However, observers of this pattern note that the honeymoon is all too temporary.

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Why Is He Apologetic After He Beats Her?
In order to convince his victim that he is truly sorry for his past behavior and that he sincerely wants to change, he may:

• Offer any bribe that will get her to return to him.
• Promise her that he will be a great dad if she returns. This works especially well if he has neglected the kids in the past.
• Claim to have had a religious awakening. This is not really a valid revival or salvation since he has probably only gone to church a few times. "I have been going to church every Sunday since you left." I have accepted Christ into my life." He puts the responsibility for his battering on God.
• Promise to stop drinking and/or using drugs. Drinking and drug use do not cause beating--if it did, then batterers would beat strangers on the street.
• Promise to get counseling. Long term counseling is needed, but less than 1% of batterers voluntarily go into counseling, or continue with counseling after the victim returns.

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