She stands alone looking lost and bewildered as the defense attorney fires question after question at her. Her fears overwhelm her. Her abusive husband has told her many times that no one will believe a word she says. That she is too stupid to convince anyone of anything that would tarnish his reputation. After all, he is a community leader and the judge is a personal friend of his entire family (so he says). Most victims have never been to court before, let alone for something as personal as domestic violence. Victims are often ashamed because they are made to feel responsible for the actions of their abuser. These are just a few of the fears that victims of domestic violence have when appearing in court to confront the men who have abused them.

Most victims of domestic violence are unaware of their constitutional rights. For example, often victims are contacted by the defendant or his family members and asked to “drop” the charges. Some victims are unaware that most charges are filed by the officers at the scene and cannot be dropped by the victims. In addition, several counties place bond conditions against the defendant when bond is posted. However, bond conditions are temporary and do not replace the provisions that Orders of Protections can provide.

Women Are Safe, Inc. provides a Court Advocacy program to help victims of domestic violence understand the court system and to give support throughout the court process. While at court, our advocates distribute information about the services WAS provides, TN Criminal Injury Compensation Fund pamphlets, and victim’s rights cards. We also give support when victims file for an Order of Protection. Women Are Safe, Inc. does not provide legal advice to victims. If a victim is in need of legal advice we refer her to the Legal Aid Society that serves her county.

Appearing in court can be intimidating to a victim of domestic violence. Women Are Safe, Inc. wants victims to know that they are not alone. If you or someone you love is in an abusive relationship there is help. Please call our 24 hr. crisis helpline at
1-800-470-1117 or 729-5730. If you would like community education for your civic group please call our office at 931-729-9885.
--Paula, WAS Court Advocate Program Director

Domestic violence is a huge societal problem. Statistics tell us that it has in fact
reached epidemic proportions. The CDC estimates that domestic violence
occurs in 1 out of every 3 families. I have no doubt that each and every person
reading this article has been affected directly or indirectly by domestic violence.
Still there are those whose reaction to domestic violence (as well as other
problems facing our society), is “that doesn’t happen here…not in my family,
neighborhood, etc.”


The next time you’re on the public square in Centerville, take a moment to look at
Women Are Safe, Inc.’s awareness display in the center window of Shop ‘til It
Stops. There you will see many shoes, to date, 76 pair. Each represents a
woman or child that Women Are Safe has sheltered since January 1st of this
year. Yes, we hope the large number of shoes in the window gives you pause,
but the display isn’t really about numbers because even one pair would be too
many.


If any of these shoes belonged to your mother, sister, aunt, friend, or co-worker,
honor her by becoming part of the solution. If you are one of the lucky few who
don’t personally know a victim or survivor of domestic violence, show your
gratitude by reaching out to help. Call (931) 729-9885 to find out how.

Korie – W.A.S. Community Outreach Director
729-7737

How many of you in our community have at some time or other experienced the
flu, a drought, or perhaps been a victim of a violent crime? And how many of you
feel that going to church would have made you immune to these experiences?
When our community is battling the flu - naturally some people in our churches
get sick. This year’s drought has affected us all, including those people who
attend church every week without fail. And I think we can all agree that violence
is no respecter of religion –Church-goers and non church-goers alike are
victimized by violence each year.

But what about the epidemic of domestic violence? – does it somehow
miraculously by-pass our churches? I’m afraid many of us believe it does. And
too many of us believe that batterers in these relationships never go to church.
We assume that if an abuser attends church then he would surely know that
abuse is wrong and would therefore change his ways. There, problem solved!
End of discussion! But if that is true, how do we explain the statistic that says
80% of batterers claim to be Christian (emphasis on the word claim!).

I encourage you to watch a 4-part PBS series entitled “When Love Hurts –
Understanding and Healing Domestic Abuse. It addresses the subject of
Domestic Abuse and the Church. Although it has already aired on television, you
can view the programs on-line at www.dayofdiscovery.org. (Type “When Love
Hurts” in the search box – click GO -- then scroll down to ‘When Love
Hurts…part 1, 2, 3 or 4”. Simply click on the title you want to view. A different
thirty- minute program aired every Sunday in October so be sure to watch them
all.

Thanks for caring enough to watch this excellent program.

Mary Jo
Women Are Safe – Court Advocate
131 West End Ave.
Centerville, TN 37033
729-9885

It is a common misconception that abusive partners have an anger
management problem. As an advocate I hear many people say of abusers, “he
has a problem with anger.” Many victims state that, “he just got mad” or, “he lost
control of his temper”. However, domestic violence isn’t about anger. It’s about
power and control. To illustrate this point, here is an example of an anger
problem: I have a bad day at work and throw my stapler at the wall. That is an
anger problem because I have grabbed the first thing within my reach and used it
to release my aggression. Now, an example of domestic violence: I have a bad
day at work. I put my stapler in my briefcase. I go home and throw the stapler at
my partner and blame her for my bad day. That is a domestic violence problem
because I have used my bad day as an excuse to abuse my partner and exercise
control my over her.

When a person is convicted of domestic violence, the courts can mandate
that he attend classes. State certified domestic violence intervention classes are
26 weeks and address all domestic violence issues with intimate partners. In
contrast, Anger Management is 8 hours and addresses only anger issues. When
an abuser assaults his intimate partner and is incorrectly mandated to anger
management classes, the victim is put in more danger and the assault is
minimized. Sadly this is often the case. However as advocates, we also have to
remind victims that domestic violence classes are not the cure-all to the
complicated issues involved in abusive relationships. It is only the beginning of
the help they need.

The legal system has the responsibility to mandate the correct classes for
the crime committed. By continuing to treat domestic violence as an anger
problem, the power and control issues are never addressed and the violence
continues. Protecting the victim is priority! Failing to hold domestic violence
offenders accountable for their actions is a failure to our society.
Women Are Safe, Inc. has support groups for victims of domestic
violence. To find out more about support groups please call our office 729-9885.
We also have a 24hr crisis helpline at 729-5730 or 1-800-470-1117. If you or
someone you know is in a domestic violence situation, there is help available.
Please call.

I saw an interesting program on TV the other night. It was called Together: Stop Violence Against Women . It was hosted by a man and a woman. It addressed domestic violence and rape – 4 personal accounts were given by the women themselves. It was good to see Jackson Katz – one of America’s leading anti-sexist male activists – on the program if only in little blips.

Perhaps little by little society is gradually getting the message that there is so much more behind domestic violence than the obvious black eyes, rapes, etc. There’s an attitude that says I can do this because I know nobody will hold me accountable. I work in the court system and I must admit that batterers being held accountable for their actions rarely happens to the extent that promotes permanent change in their future actions. Jackson Katz promotes educating men of character how to hold abusers accountable. Since the majority of batterers don’t end up in court, positive male peer pressure is definitely the more logical and effective way to hold batterers accountable for their actions.

So, would you like to know what kind of documentary I would like to see on TV? -- One that gives the personal accounts of battering from the son’s point of view – the son now grown. Maybe then people would see more clearly that violence against women isn’t miraculously confined to just women. Its domino effect influences innocent boys and men in the immediate and extended family, workplace, school system, churches . . . the entire community! If a child gets no help in dealing with the emotional baggage domestic violence dumps on him then relationships in every area of his life will suffer. All too often another batterer emerges from this emotional chaos.

Something I heard on the news just a few days ago illustrates this dumping effect. An ex-boyfriend murdered his ex-girlfriend by shooting her in the head right in front of her two children in their own home. How long will it take these children to “get over” what they saw? Never! It will be with them their entire lives. The people now raising these children – they will be dealing with some major emotional baggage. The community mental health facility will hopefully have a counselor able to help these children work thru their trauma but that’s only if someone has the money to pay for the counseling. What about the teachers who are going to be dealing with these kids in school? What about any relationships these children will have now and throughout their adult life?

My son recently told me about a friend of his at college whose girlfriend was the victim of a murder-suicide. See, good guys are affected by the violence of batterers too. So what if a man’s disrespectful words or actions toward a woman were countered by others the moment they happened? What if good guys were the first wave of accountability batterers had to encounter? Wouldn’t a man listen to a friend he respects more seriously than some woman he doesn’t even know (and definitely doesn’t respect)?

Positive adult peer pressure could sure save a lot of people – not just women -- from experiencing the devastation of domestic violence. ~ MJ